barely fatal

First, about harmony. On Thursday, “my” department went out for a company dinner. We had the Brazilian restaurant for us alone – it was a Thursday after all. Oh, and it was Thanksgiving. For an American colleague, going with us instead of having a turkey dinner with her friend meant a lot. And that’s what I want to talk about. All of us really feel and act like a team. We had a great night. All of us. There was not one who couldn’t connect or who would rather had been somewhere else. I have never experienced such harmony in a work team before. It helps our product, it makes working so much more fun. I know a certain other company which could probably triple their productivity if they had a work environment half as good.

Note to self: Always start with light drinks, save the Caipirinhas for later.

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Now to war. In my country, the opposing factions start to move their siege weapons into place. Arrows are set on fire, swords forged and battle plans perfected. The slow turning wheels of democracy start spinning. Some try to stay neutral, hope for reason and peaceful debate. But the gears of war cannot be stopped. Or can they?

Will Germany be the first country to ban “killer games”? To re-invent censorship to “save our youth”? Or will it remain a free country, where discussion and science comes first and freedom dies last? Where people show enough backbone to face the real problems?

After my slightly paranoid mood yesterday (I should have wine more often) life did what it does best: Surprise me. My manager is back, the worst part (the weight losing phase) of her pregnancy is finally over, it seems. The end part can be unpleasant, too, of course. Well, that all means I have less stress and responsibility, at least temporarily. But no leaning back, on the contrary: Time to learn from the best while I can. Gonna kick myself.

I didn’t really know how to congratulate to be honest. My way of showing happiness, friendship or sympathy is somewhat out of the ordinary. I show my respect, with smaller gestures. I honor a friendly, honest smile (or talk, or both) over empty phrases, gifts or speeches. But that’s weird Me. Unfortunately, the world does not always understand. Well, one step closer on my eternal quest to become an eccentric (note: not egocentric!).

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In other news, there’s been an incident at a German school yesterday that started another wave of “Ban all those bad bad killer games!” discussions amongst politician. An idiotic weapons-hording (nobody cares where he got the bombs and guns), gun-toting (he was all over the internet, well-known) 18-year-old maniac killed himself not without hurting 20-something people before (in a school that was giving him a really bad time when he went there). Nobody died, except him of course. Since he used to play violent games, we’re all killers again. Yes, YOU. ARE. A. MURDERER. Potentially so. So is my little sister, have you ever seen her drive? However, a handful of politicians want to use this for their own personal benefit. The last time it happened it got us new laws that – you guessed it – of course did not change a thing. Germany has the most modern and most restrictive youth-protection system in the world (for entertainment software). When will people realize, it’s not the games. It’s the person. You fail him, it’s your responsibility. Gee.

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Update: Ok the first part about friendship made me look like a total jerk, heh. Of course I make birthday presents and stuff. I just do it in a more subtle way. When everybody storms in front, shouting and hugging their victim, I prefer to stand back. Later, when nobody’s watching, I quietly give my congratulations. Or I show it in another way, maybe with small personal gifts, letters or so. Often chocolate With good friends or people important to me, I want to express my personal gratitude, and not just be part of a group. I don’t like big groups anyway. Creeps me out.

The end of the year is coming and I have no clue what to say. I can’t even guess what 2007 will bring, and I must confess I’m a little scared. Last year, it all looked so good around Christmas time and it turned out to be one big nightmare in January, only to turn around again to become a pleasant, if not amazing surprise success. So maybe you can feel with me when I tell you that currently, with everything going as good, I have a weird feeling about it all. I expect an ambush. A hit in the neck. A shot from the dark, to bring me down again just when everything seems to work out just fine.

These thoughts are not helping really. I have a great deal of responsibility given to me, it’s a great chance to prove myself. A great chance to screw it up, too. I should take it on, relaxed and with endless patience. That’s how I do things. Nothing can harm me. But it just doesn’t work this time. I’m nervous, I have doubts about my own abilities. No, not really, I know I can do it, get things done and get them done right. It’s the world I don’t trust, the odd feeling that something’s waiting for me, somewhere, out there. It’s a permanent threat level.

What should I do about it? Go see a psychiatrist or do what I do best: Push myself? I wish I had someone to talk to, you know, for all the details. But currently, I’m not so lucky. Slowly but surely it gets at me. Crawling. I have been here before, and lived through it. But I was younger then, and I thought I would get better at this. I got better, in many things. But it still bothers me. Things I can’t just forget or push away. They are there, I can’t deny them. The problem is, I don’t know if this is me going mad or if this is a perfectly normal reaction and me over-reacting. I need someone to tell me who I am. So I remember. Before I forget.

I have finished Splinter Cell Double Agent yesterday, and I must say I stand by my complaints. The single player part is solid most of the time, there are some pretty cool levels and the graphics aren’t too bad either. On the other hand, there are also weak parts, the problems with bugs and … well what bothers me most is the “revolutionary” new story telling / game play. Yes, there are a few situations when you have to choose between helping the bad, bad terrorists or the NSA. For example, wether you want to shoot your former boss. Or a fellow NSA agent. But in the end, it turns our totally irrelevant what you do. Shoot him, lose or gain a little “trust” with the terrorists or the agency, then maybe play a really shortish extra level or another video sequence. If you shoot your boss, the last level turns out to be a lot easier, because the terrorists don’t attack you on sight. But what the heck, you have to kill them anyways! Plus it turns out, your boss isn’t really dead! “Hold out, help is coming…?” Excuse me?! I wanted to KILL him, I’m a bad terrorist now! So basically what I’m saying is that your choices do not have much impact, if any, especially since “trust” is gained easily. Compare that to KOTOR or other role playing games, it’s a joke. There are supposed to be 4 endings. I have seen one and I can easily guess the other ones, so that’s it for me.

Multiplayer turns out to be interesting. You play as a spy or a merc in (maximum) 3 vs 3 games, bots can be included. Well merc bots, because spy bots seem to be broken. I was told that when you get into a game with a few good people it’s enormously cool. Well, tried for three hours, and I got into one decent game that lasted 10 minutes. The game has a steep learning curve, and as a noob, you have no chance whatsoever. But then again, you first need to get on a game.

You can host games (the easier way) or join games, in both co-op and versus modes. If you don’t have a “squad” or “friends” the game puts you in random session with other players, international players. Try to communicate with Frenchmen, Spanish and Germans all in one team – that’s fun. But to start a game, everyone has to click the “Ready” button. When you host a game, 70% don’t. Or leave your game. So you sit and wait … When you join a game, 70% of all times, the host ends the session for reasons only known to him. The other 30% of times you don’t get a full team, or half the players drop out when the round starts. It’s crap. Sorry, but that’s the truth.

So we have a solid game that could be fun and a multiplayer experience that could be innovative. Unfortunately, “could” is not enough. Up on Ebay. I think I’ll try Star Trek Legacy next, it’s about time again for a decent Star Trek game.

PS. The Battlefield 2 Mod “Project Reality” got an update, and it’s like a completely new game. The maps are great, the squad system rocks … check it out.